When a guy makes me feel special, its the best, BEST feeling in the world
But this feeling.. its only NOW that i realise, its not me liking them..
This was the biggest mistake ive ever made - to think that this short feeling could lead me to telling someone i like them, being in a relationship, then falling apart and not know what caused this feeling. But NOW i know. Every relationship (well not every one) started off with that 'feeling' that made me get confused and think that i liked them. Oh, was i wrong. But now i know.. now i definitely know my heart's language..
Today at work was really fun because I got to be more comfortable and get to know more of the guys :) Jessica Lay seemed so comfortable around them, i wish i could be as confident as her xD
Richard came 2-4 hours early for work i think? Thats waaaay too early, i reckon .__. He found ways to make me smile or laugh though :) Then he let me keep a drawing of his, with my favourite lyrics, his name and then the date. awwwww made my day! ^^
When he started helping out at front counter we had plans on meeting up when we're both in indo and then we could go places :D omgshhh yay! you dont know how much ive always wanted to travel around with a friend overseas, much less indo XD and i made him take me by motorbike instead of car HAHAHA. aaaaaahh i cant wait until next year when i go indo! :D
너 때문에 많이도 울었어 너 때문에 많이도 웃었어 너 때문에 사랑을 믿었어 너 때문에 너 때문에 모두 다 잃었어 정말 답답답해 갑갑갑해 막막막해 너 없는 세상이 내 맘을 씹어놓고 자존심 짓밟아놓고 내 맘을 찢어놓고 왜 나를 떠나가
I cried a lot because of you I laughed a lot because of you I believed in the love because of you I’ve lost everything because of you I’m speechless, suffocating and lonely The world without you has Chewed out my heart Stomped on my dignity Torn apart my heart So why did you leave me behind?
Doesn't relate to me at all - i just REALLY like this song :)
Ive always wanted to talk with a guy late into the night - whether it be in a romantic way or not. I have texted a guy for hours on end into the early morning, but never called. Maybe for the reason that our house is small and quiet, that im too scared i'll get caught by my parents for staying up late, or that i share a room with my sister..
"I hate it when you make me feel special but then I realise that you make other girls feel special too."
Ah.. I get that feeling all the time.. Its nice that there are guys like that out there though, but only if they're doing it because they genuinely care about them or know how sensitive girls are - not to become chick magnets or try to get a hoard of girls to like them :)
i gave up (very sadly) on the new chocolate touch because its AU$999 and majority of people didnt recommend it + it lags. A LOT. especially with internet (which id hate because i need facebook on it). And apparently the only REALLY good thing about it is playing movies.
The slide is much cheaper - AU$529 (half the price of touch .__.) but im just wondering about what 3 contract it would be on.. $29 or $49 cap? Im prettyyyy sure id be $49.. If i do happen to be interested in buying it, im better off buying it full price, because it will only empty half my bank account x.x
Ive nearly finished science, just need to do analysis and a proper bibliography (gotta sneak some random books onto there..)
Im proud of what ive done so far, im expecting high in this one. Not exactly A+ like my blog title suggests, but maybe a 35-40/50 sort of thing? I did well. And im happy about it for once. Hope it goes well because i really want to improve my impression in science. Used to HATE science, it was the only class my eyes felt REALLY droopy in, but as soon as biology came in, ive been studying that topic out of school like crazy, reading random scientific books on the real basics, just to prove myself capable.
Now the droopyness has been passed on to maths - my worst subject EVER. I never did good in maths, but i kind of liked it when i knew what i was doing. From year 7, i always was in high average, never standing out. Now its year 9-10 and im getting low average. Still loved maths in year 9, now.. not so much. Im extremely behind because i work at a really slow pace and take my time with the setting out of working (i cant STAND writing out formulas in a messy way because i give up, even if i know the answer). I never concentrate in maths class. I hate the content because theres never nothing NEW - its always getting more advanced in stuff thats basic - again, i HAAAAAAATE it, i love completely new things.
Anyway i didnt expect talking about an assignment would lead to an entire rant on school (boring, i know). Now back to that analysis =="
If i dont cancel my shift for work tomorrow im going to DIE.
Right now im sorting through 30 pictures of apples that all look the same, my life couldnt get any worse. Thank goodness i already know what belongs where, but the sorting, click and drag, making new folders thing and having to rename every picture is CRAZY! The stupidest time consuming thing ive ever done T__T i officially hate apples now. Not for the reason that it doesnt taste good.. because it does.. but every single time i eat one, i'll remember this assignment =="
Lately ive been posting short boring blogs, im sorry! Theres not much thats interesting happening at the moment.
Im not really sure where my love life is at the moment. Im over my ex, not liking anyone new right now, not rushing either. I feel like i have a completely different feeling, and that is that ive fallen in love with something really different. I get this strange feeling that.. ive fallen in love with.. love? I dont know how thats possible, but everyone loves that feeling, that is if its even a feeling. I love listening to love songs and feeling special, as opposed to actually liking someone. Hmm.. dont know.
Tell my why im the only person who put their logbook up on myclasses for everyone to see + maybe even copy? stupidstupidstupid. i think i need to delete it and send it via email. but that might already be too late anyway =="
Today my mum thought it would be nice to buy bread from 85 degrees instead of having to make boring sandwiches for school, so I decided to buy sweet bean bread (same as Nagisa's one in Clannad ^^). I was actually pretty happy buying it because it meant lunch would be different.. but then.. my dad comes home and EATS it, and now i have no lunch =="
Today my mum talked on the phone in a really unusual way. She went to the back of our house away from the noise (thats normal), and started talking in a normal voice, but then gradually she started talking more quietly and sounded like sympathy or worry was in her voice. I dont know, but i know that its not normal for my mum to speak like that. The person on the other line was my friend's mum so.. I hope my friend is okay.. Cause I usually hear that he always ends in up hospital with strange symptoms and stuff, or sometimes comes home really late.. =/
Yesterday in the afternoon i saw ash and one of his friends. I looked at him for not even a second and he looked back, then i think it was preeeeetty obvious that when he looked back across the road, he said something to his friend and his friend turned in my direction. You know when you want to say to your friend, "hey you know that person over there?" without the obvious pointing at them at everything? I think that was it, except he still made it obvious. Im not saying that this has anything to do with liking someone. Its just makes you a little curious when people you know, but like, dont know KNOW, looks like they're talking about you. Makes me wonder what they were talking about =/
Okay, got something interesting to talk about! I was about to post a entry saying im open to suggestions on what you want me to talk about, but i think i have something now :)
Firstly.. Im going S.H.E CONCERT!! My first concert ever! Im soooo geed and i love connie for buying tickets with good seats ;) I was really surprised at how my mum responded actually. She used to object to me going to celebrity concerts, because of her faith. But now she seems fine with it, praise God! :D Or maybe because I told her I'd actually pay for the tickets.. maybe thats why -__-" oh well, regardless I can go, and thats all that matters! :D Syd Ent Centre here i come ^^
The whole thing about ricerally too - im going! ^^ with courtney fong, matt and maybe gary + all their friends. I have a good feeling that being able to share a Godly experience with different friends will be a really interesting turnout for me - and i have no doubt that it will be just as impacting.. hehe ^^
Okay last part.. also main one which i find strange, but its a completely diff topic so I'll just blog again :P
Haha what a misleading title, I meant the 'anyway.. moving on' sort of thing :L
I really want to tell you something interesting but nothing exciting has happened lately besides school related stuff, which i already know you guys are sick of hearing about =/ I think i'll get back to you on that.. if i can even think of something to share XD
Not much has happened, but im trying to concentrate like never before, in classes. Like ACTUALLY concentrate and try to understand the work. Not the usual concentration where I listen to the teacher, not understanding anything but still listening, then going on to complete any set tasks. Not that kind of concentration XD More like read through a chapter we have been assigned to, read carefully, dictionary any words that i dont understand, actually TRY to correctly answer the question, kind of concentration :L Although there is always 1-2 lessons dedicated to giving it a break, which isnt good, but hey its a start to something right?
Its the end of the day and I find myself 'keeping up to date' with whats happening in your life. Every status i read gets me annoyed. Plus ive noticed your wall is female-dominated. Nice.
i JUST realised i have a photo of the thing i spent $12 on something i really wanted but didnt get! i unconsciously took photos off the internet because it was cute but little did i know it was the exact same thing i wanted so bad at the crane machines in prize paradize :O
This picture is a LITTLE different though, because its on a pen, but besides that, take the milk tofu off and place it in a milk bottle, and its EXACTLY what i wanted! omfg if ANYONE wins that for me, i'll give them something special.. i dont know what it is yet, but i'll think about it on the way XD i reallyreallyreally want one! better yet, get me the whole set (chocolate, strawberry, mint and orange) and i'll give you ANYTHING. except.. *ahem*.. stuff considered expensive. against my faith. etcetcetc. XD
Leaving on a positive note (because i always want to^^) i MIGHT be getting my braces off tomorrow @4pm! weeeeee :D i dread retainers though because i dont want to speak funny again XD but at the same time, i want to choose colours! since i couldnt choose colours for my braces.
Today at work was fun, with richard and sabrina and arifin ^^ its always a good day when one of them is around :) ehehe makes me want to stay at HJ now.. maybe its too late for me to leave.. gotten too attached to family there xD anyway long day with 6hrs work was made good because she taught me a little bit of indo.. one by one my fluency and knowledge will be better and i can start communicating with crew :D
oh yeah also found out that richard has a second job at KFC in easties! omgsh! and when he mentioned he only got 3hours sleep before working again, i wanted to hit my head on the register.. gilaa why work so long for? x.x
hmm hmm.. i also love when this regular customer comes in.. always make my day.. asian father and little boy.. waaaah lucu bangetttt! that boy is soooo cute! ALWAYS needs his ice cream whenever he visits. steve even told me they came once and he was sitting on one of the tables checking finance and stuff, when the little boy came over with his tray and starting staring at him not moving for AGES. then his father came over and starting laughing saying that steve was sitting in his 'usual spot' so steve had to move for the little boy. ahahah too cute, i swear :L
I say to everyone that its been ages since it happened, so im a-okay now.. but maybe, ive underestimated by ability to move on.. To be honest, my current dp is meant to be dedication to you.. VERY LATE one.. maaf ya.. T__T i think about you not all the time, but when i do, all i can feel is sadness, and i dont want to leave it that way. i want more happy memories with you. if you must leave, leave me with a good memory, because what we had before was too short.
Something meant to edit onto my photo:
"Through all my geekyness, weirdness, random bursting out laughing, and super shyness, you were someone who could see the real me, and accept me for who i am"
This is a stupid question - of course I should.. but if im ready or not is the question.
Okay so "he" seems to be in a pretty crap mood recently.. and i THINK i feel like im ready to be his friend again.. so should i start off by showing i care? But then again i dont know if im ready.. i mean if i start talking to him again, and the first thing i do is show that i care, im scared i might fall for him again, and the pain will be too strong because i know he wont be mine again no matter how hard i try. i mean he had his reason to leave me right? if i try to win him back ofc it wouldnt happen because of same reason.. otherwise we still be together.. right.. right? uwaa im too scared to talk to him again, see him again, or anything related to him x.x
I was looking at heaps of random vids on school life in Japan, commerials and everything and came across bentos.. and i never knew bento food cutters existed! :O i thought Japanese people actually had the time to cut seaweed by scissors.. i was wrong.. x.x anyhow now i want a seaweed cutter too XD
I was meant to attend a compulsory HJ crew meeting at 10am, but i forgot because i didnt write the date down x.x Well actually im not sure if it was today, but everyone is talking about it, so im guessing i missed out on 1hr of pay, a free meal and heaps of information =/
I dont know if its accurate, but i did it at the last minute, and used a bit of google translator. Please correct me if im wrong, which i most likely am. And take note on the time stamp of this blog post - yes its 1am x.x
After reading Liyisa's most recent blog, I realise we have so much in common.
Except shes not embarrased to talk about this, while im standing in the corner feeling ashamed with my love life x.x
I feel that with all the >2 months relationships that I continually have, and the number of guys ive broken up with, its like a stupid criminal history, like those records you have to show others in a job interview. Is it a crime to let 'love' die so many times? Well i think so, its one of the many things im guilty and ashamed to talk about. But the thing is.. everyone knows.. so its worse in a way, do you get me? Everyone knows about my messed up relationships, thats why i always get pressured. When I get a new boyfriend i imagine others thinking, "im guessing this is yet ANOTHER short relationship?" i try hard, especially with my last one. Unlike the others, i WAITED. I prayed. I took it slow. And in the end, it was me who got hurt.
Anyway sometimes I wish I could start all over again. If only I could find that perfect one - who doesnt? But it really would be nice to get the perfect one the first time. First boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first everything. But now that im at number 5 already, theres no turning back.. And it feels so bad because I miss having the thought of having a "first" boyfriend. so bad. Because im at 5 already, it feels like.. something i cant explain. Well anyway. Just letting you know, no one has taken my first love away, i think.. Or was it tingwu? i hope not, even if it took me a year to get over him. Thats not true TRUE love is it? :S I hope first love hasnt been stolen yet! D: I just had my first kiss taken recently. DAMMIT =="
In the end it all comes down to one question i expect people to ask me:
"Why cant you just wait until you're older? Like in uni? You're too young to be dating anyway, too young to fall in love, and too young to understand"
that just about sums it up. i cant say it any other way.
PLEASE come back! T__T
I didnt even GET to say goodbye; i never knew you were all leaving today!
I would say one of the most heart-breaking moments is when you're saying goodbye to someone. I dont know, theres just this thing with trains and planes that really gets me crying. Because not only do you see them leave, but slowly as well.
Should I go? But if I do, who with? Matt's group or with Courtney?
Hmm.. who was I with last time anyway? I totally forgot, someone remind me o__o
*5 seconds later*
I remember now! Jessica and adrian, albert and felix :O
Its funny because it was a group that i didnt know well, but still had good memories with ^^
Hmmmmm.. now the hard decision =/
I want to go with both.. but I cant, and even if I did manage to put them both together, it would be awkward because both groups dont know each other x.x
Well the cool thing is that travis is participating in the rice dance! And i also heard through facebook that gwen is as well? This years' should be really interesting then :D
Ah.. then back to the reality - which group?
I want to go with courtney because it would be good to experience it with someone new, plus shes just plain awesome :) But in cases of who im familiar with, I'm comfortable hanging with matt's group because I know nearly everyone..
I was looking through my computer documents on my PC because I needed to find my resume to transfer to mac, then i saw a document that id normally title if it was to remember an anniversary of someone who was my boyfriend. Okay, i'll be straightforward here, it was my anniversary with Tingwu. The date read this:
5 days to go
my first reaction was: WOAH. The 27th? Same as ex boyfriend's anniversary, which is.. 27.06.10 I think. But then I look down further and saw that there was 5 days to go before this date, and before it fell apart. Also similar to how my more recent relationship turned out.
Now im beginning to wonder the anniversary for my first boyfriend and my ex ex.. could they be the 27th as well? I dont remember the date but probably not.. It would be strange if it was, though XD
Yeah, I know I'm just trying to find an excuse to be a little superstitious or to think it was no coincidence.. dont mind me x.x
Highlight of my day was spending period 1 and 2 being with the japanese students ^^!
We made origami and saw tea ceremonies and calligraphy classes going on at the same time and the japanese students wearing their kimono was SO cute, i swear. They let other students try it on as well.. I wanted to be them.. XD Pop culture was in a different room, and i wanted to see that, but oh well.
And today at work, i found out ella and adam are together now! :O
Im really sorry, but I feel we really cannot be friends after what we went through.
That is to say, I cant accept you as a friend.. at the moment.
Maybe, JUST maybe, in the future we can, but by that time you probably would have forgotten me and accepted me as 'no longer a friend'. I dont know. Its up to you whether youre willing to let/wait for me get over all this first. Are you willing to hold on?
Today I went to go see Inception with matt and friends. I never heard about the movie but it was so good! Kind of reminds me of the stuff we learn in philosophy. The movie was about being able to control what happens inside your dream and using it to your advantage by stealing secrets and getting info out of people, from dreams. They even tried entering the world of dreaming of a dream XD they were like in 3 different worlds at the same time, each with time going slower. so complicated and a little confusing but its a really good action, sci-fi thriller. Has leonardo di caprio and joseph gordon-levitt (the cute guy in 10 things i hate about you and 500 days of summer) so i really recommend the movie (y)
After that was the dance battle! We went up to the 'rooftop' in darling harbour where nearly everyone goes nowadays for dance battles. i recognised the place because i remember steph yung and her friends taking pictures there. There were heaps good breakdancers. Travis was proooo :) So many people i didnt know, i was kinda intimidated because they all seemed gangster and cool and everything, so i stuck by justin, the only guy that shared something in common with me - not being able to dance xD
Not much to say about chinese school except the fact that i joined again.. I know, it sucks to be me x.x Well An lao shi never came back - we have a completely new teacher now. I kind of like her though. She looks and dresses SO young (maybe she is young?) and accent reminds me of a Taiwanese one. Thank GOODNESS i no longer have to listen to annoying accents from old teachers =.=" She also speaks ENGLISH.
After that I rushed home to get ready to go to Jason's house. Didn't have anything nice to give.. damn.. =/ People that came were: Eliazar, Jason's friend, Jackson's girlfriend, Teresa, Timmy, Teresa's Japanese exchange student and Ella. Hmm.. we ate food, took pictures, heard the Japanese student play piano (her hands flew across the keys. literally. i have vids to prove it.), played card games and thats about it. It was nice to be with everyone in a place i used to call my second home :)
Then there was work. Omgsh, one word - awkward. All I can say is.. wiggins.. and in front of fenny and wesley as well.. ahhh T__T Plus I got bombarded at work with questions about my personal life (since i havent work much since.. that day..). Rina, Wiggins, Pruthu - all three of them.. Pruthu let me in on something that was meant to convey the message, "worse things have happened to me, dont worry emily" but it made me want to cry instead. ahahah XD
Today was eventful, but with all the topics that brought "him" up.. I dont know, I really just want to forget about it but people talking about it made it a little worse. Dont worry, just a little, lol. I was considering posting this up before the "My Lifesong" but yeah I think you get it :L
So excited for tomorrow! Cant wait to see Matt, Travis, Lisa and others, since its been soooo long ^^ And apparently theres a cwalk dance battle? Ahaha i want to feature in it.. hopefully =)