06 August 2010

My Firsts + Relationships

After reading Liyisa's most recent blog, I realise we have so much in common.
Except shes not embarrased to talk about this, while im standing in the corner feeling ashamed with my love life x.x

I feel that with all the >2 months relationships that I continually have, and the number of guys ive broken up with, its like a stupid criminal history, like those records you have to show others in a job interview. Is it a crime to let 'love' die so many times? Well i think so, its one of the many things im guilty and ashamed to talk about. But the thing is.. everyone knows.. so its worse in a way, do you get me? Everyone knows about my messed up relationships, thats why i always get pressured. When I get a new boyfriend i imagine others thinking, "im guessing this is yet ANOTHER short relationship?" i try hard, especially with my last one. Unlike the others, i WAITED. I prayed. I took it slow. And in the end, it was me who got hurt.

Anyway sometimes I wish I could start all over again. If only I could find that perfect one - who doesnt? But it really would be nice to get the perfect one the first time. First boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first everything. But now that im at number 5 already, theres no turning back.. And it feels so bad because I miss having the thought of having a "first" boyfriend. so bad. Because im at 5 already, it feels like.. something i cant explain. Well anyway. Just letting you know, no one has taken my first love away, i think.. Or was it tingwu? i hope not, even if it took me a year to get over him. Thats not true TRUE love is it? :S I hope first love hasnt been stolen yet! D: I just had my first kiss taken recently. DAMMIT =="

In the end it all comes down to one question i expect people to ask me:
"Why cant you just wait until you're older? Like in uni? You're too young to be dating anyway, too young to fall in love, and too young to understand"
Well.. truth is, love cant wait.
Thats the true beauty of it, i guess.

1 comment:

  1. How did i not know about this FIRST KISS ?!?!? D:

    so cut.. T_T