30 December 2011

Trivia (50 Questions)

Courtesy of Joy's Tumblr :)

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
My sister

2. Are you loud, outgoing or shy?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
My cousins from Indo

4. Are you easy to get along with?
Hmm.. probably not. I'm friendly, polite and all, but very quiet, so its pretty hard to start a conversation with me lol

5. Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to him or her?

6. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
Probably :)

7. Do you think you'll be in relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
Err.. my ex..

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
No, if the person I'm talking to can relate to me in terms of experience / knowledge or are non-judgmental

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

11. What does your most recent text say?
"Emily whats your plan for tomorrow??" - Stefanus

12. How do you feel about abortion?
It's cruel murder, and it's taking away a life, but if the child is an accident, wouldn't it be worse for them growing up knowing they were never wanted? Or if they were neglected in their bringing up? I guess I'm on the fence for this decision..

13. Do you like big crowds of people?
Depends on the situation really

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
No for luck, yes for miracles

15. What good thing happened this summer?
Getting my Christmas break of course! School was hectic and busy as :(

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed, again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?
Don't really like baths at all, I mean you're bathing in what you're supposed to wash off lol

20. Do you like your neighbours?
The neighbours on the right can be noisy occasionally, throwing parties and laughing non-stop late at night.. but other than that, I don't really know them, so I can't really complain..

21. What are your bad habits?
Well.. procrastinating for one. Sleeping late, staying on the computer for nearly the whole day, slouching in chairs.. list goes on

22. Where would you like to travel?
Italy for the food, Tokyo for the view and shopping, Seoul for the culture

23. Do you have trust issues?
Not that I know of..

24. Favourite part of your daily routine?
Applying face cream in the mornings supposedly..

25. What body part are you most uncomfortable with?
Well obviously my private parts.. but stomach too because there's noticeable hair =l

26. What do you do when you wake up?
Usually have breakfast right away or.. go back to sleep haha

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Household family and Jess and Jason

29. Have any of your ex's told you they regret breaking up?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail?
Lol yes

32. Which celebrities would you like having a threesome with?
LOL err.. I seriously have no idea.. I'd say Changmin as one of them but he's not one I'd want to do 'that' stuff with hahah

33. Spell your name with your chin
( ^ hey not too bad right? just one letter wrong :O :O )

34. Do you play sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Many times :)

37. What do you say during awkward silences?
"So.. how have you been? What have you been up to?"

38. Do you think age matters in a relationship?
Not really

39. What are your favourite stores to shop in?
Cotton On, Jay Jays, EB Games, Allen's Music Store (mainly for interactivity lol)

40. What do you want to do after high school?
Travel with friends, go overseas, go to uni, date / marry someone

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

42. If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
That I feel uncomfortable / awkward, am too tired / sleepy, or I just don't feel like making an effort to talk

43. Do you smile at strangers?
Yes, happens all the time at work lol

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Outer space

45. Do you want a roommate?

46. What are you paranoid about?
Walking on quiet streets at night.. Isn't everyone? xD

47. What was the meanest thing someone ever said to you?
"It's already up!" *starts mumbling / swearing*

48. The nicest thing?
I wouldn't say nicest because there's countless nice things said to me but one would be something simple like 'You're beautiful', something a little corny lol

49. Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about?
Oh yes, definitely

50. What language do you want to learn?
Bahasa Indonesia

27 December 2011

Performing in about 2 months

I'm pretty excited, but well you know at the same time, I'm not so confident with crowds.. :(

25 December 2011

Happy Birthday Jesus! aka Merry Christmas!

Had a start to my Christmas Eve celebrations by heading to Seven Hills to have lunch with the family (mum's side) at an all you can eat buffet ^__^ there was a kris kringle going on between the teenagers and I got michelle (my soon-to-be future spanish cousin) and she also got me xD she thought the wallet I gave was cute and I liked the striped dress she gave me x)

When I came back to city I went to meet up with church friends, William, Clement and Jason as they had finished a basketball game, and it was where I met them at a music store, that I got my Christmas present from my brother - a set of guitar picks and a capo! hehehe ^^

We split up afterwards to prepare for dinner at night and me and Jason came back to city to meet Sam. And we saw Alan and Stefanus *ahem* along the way but they were heading to Hillsong. I'm glad Stefanus enjoyed his first time there XD I was supposed to join him, but yeah had that dinner =l (either way, no regrets haha) anyway we caught the train to North Parramatta. Other friends from church came :) We ate at a Brazilian restaurant and most of them took the 'all you can eat' option while I took a BBQ meat platter which had salad, chips, 2 steak, a skewer of chicken and a skewer of sausage - all for $22. I haven't eaten that much meat for ages but it felt really good, so full of protein and iron goodness =p seriously, fingers crossed I gained weight after today LOL if I did I'd be so happy :) Oh, speaking of Brazilian restaurant, we were all INCREDIBLY surprised when one of the waiters revealed that he was Indonesian, when he looked non-asian but had dark skin (we all presumed he was from Brazil) and since then, he spoke to our table group in Indo hahah :)

After that the group went to La Parouse and I got to go in the car with William and his mum and dad ^__^ we talked all the way through hahah. I wasnt able to join the group as I had to go home but luckily they actually passed Kingsford along the way and I managed to get dropped off across my house.

And that was my Christmas Eve very well spent ^^ Tomorrow (or should I say, today), I got no plans except for church in the evening and my mum agreed to come with me to my church! I'm so excited, can't wait for her to meet everyone else xD I really hope she manages to make connections with some people (:

Whew I'm worn out, going to sleep now. Good night and Merry Christmas everyone! ^^

22 December 2011


Pshh thought so, you only talk to me and act all friendly when you want it from me.. And when I give it to you, you don't talk to me anymore like nothing happened =="

19 December 2011

Who I saw at the airport

Saw Jess and her boyfriend Huy and a surprise was seeing Kelly waiting to check in :O

18 December 2011

Family of 2

Today I waved goodbye to my sister and dad at the international terminal as they headed off to Jakarta :)
Now it's just me and my mum, and yes, theres always that time where I have the urge to ask my mum 'when are dad and jess coming home?' and then yeah, I realise they're overseas lol. feels strange without them. that means no more driving lessons for now.. not to mention not being driven anywhere o__o guess i gotta try change my shift times for work so i can go home early (and not 9 - 10pm)..

Anyways after the airport headed to church @ city and met up with the group at this really nice indonesian restaurant called Dilima (on Dixon St) and oh. my. goodness. i felt like i was in indo, the decorations were so cool! this was the only photo i was able to find on the internet but even that photo doesnt fully show how beautifully decorated the place is xD

After that headed back to church for my last bass practice :'( and i couldnt even stay that long, had to leave around 4:30pm and it was already 3 when I came there? me, stefanus and william played as a band for the last time this year i think, we played 'tiba saatnya' and its sounding pretty pro :D but i stopped playing halfway through and they didnt even notice, i think they intended it to be a two-man-band, so yeah felt a bit excluded.. -__- oh wells..

I left to hillsong next, where there was 'carols by candlelight' and we were able to turn on a battery powered candlestick and sway it about to christmas carols, it was so nice XD maybe will upload photos later :)

So now I'm back at home still learning how to play Your Call by Second Hand Serenade.. will get there soon enough xD

14 December 2011

Stage Fright + Dream rant

Last night I dreamt that I was in a grand Indonesian shopping mall and there was a special celebration event (for I dont know what) and I was chosen to do a piano / singing solo in front of a large audience (and everyone was all dressed formal) and Jason was there teaching me the parts and the lyrics and I demonstrated one line of the song to him and it sounded good.. and then a few hours later, during the actual performance I freaked out because I forgot what keys to play (since I play by ear and memory, and cant read music so the sheet didnt help at all) and I even didn't sing, because I actually thought they were two separate performances - the playing piano, and then me getting up to sing. They was background piano music while I was struggling to even get one note on the piano, so I pretended to be playing but I think everyone knew I looked very confused and panicked, brother even got up and went up to the piano midway in the performance, back faced towards the audience and giving me hand signals, but obviously it didn't help at all, as hand signals dont actually tell you which notes to press.. Anyway I was just thinking in my head, 'stuff this, I'll just try to do good in my singing performance' but well, you guessed it, because my singing was meant to go with the piano playing, I was totally lost. Anyway the audience actually delaying in their clapping so it got me really tense scared they might know I didn't even play it at all..

And thats my dream.. First time ever dreaming of stage fright (usually my dream themes are me being late to something and that panicking feeling associated with it, or me being chased by a killer or someone dangerous), so its pretty interesting and I can remember fine details of what the place looked like and everything.. scary o__o But I hear if you keep a dream journal and get into the habit of remembering your dreams, you can apparently learn to have a lucid dream! so cool :O


12 December 2011

Are flip phones out of style?

I want a Japanese flip phone but how do I know its reliable and stuff? O.o I'm pretty sure most of them can be set into English language but obviously its set so its optimum look is when its in Japanese. I heard Docomo is a good brand and their designs are quite nice.. but.. then I look at the layout of the OS and it seems so.. old fashioned.. I think it's still common for these phone to have fully customisable themes.. ahaha do you guys still remember those types? XD

05 December 2011

Sunday Christmas celebration

Yesterday was my first time celebrating Christmas at my new church - its way smaller than Hillsong but the feeling of 'family' feels much stronger and because I know nearly everyone there I feel like I can serve more in the church ^__^

Morning service was cancelled so I was able to join my fam for hillsong, but then went straight afterwards to meet for lunch with the other church members at Takeru, Market City (we always end up eating there for some reason.. but not complaining, love Japanese food keke). Then when we got to church we headed up to the 1st floor and I was able to see the big room we would be setting up :O We were there nice and early for the decorators and musicians to be able to set up and all that. I got to set up the Christmas tree! XD and helping with the sticking on of tiny stars on cardboard letters ~ Oh.. did I say.. the musicians all changed into formalwear later on and someone stood out ^-^ Hmm anyway about 10 minutes before the service started the room filled out quickly, faster than I expected, and with tons of new faces of course. Worship really stood out, preaching was awesome (although its all in indo so didnt understand everything) and there was a really comedic drama in the end.. I think I remember getting watery eyes at one part though hahahah. And to end it we sung again and got given out glowsticks to 'sway' to the music.. very deep, although mine leaked a tiny bit as soon as I snapped it o__o I thought I would kind of wipe it off on the chair in front of me.. and then the chair started glowing!!! Dx anyways when the service ended we had a dinner.

Very memorable night overall with some things I won't forget :)
It was actually that good that I re-dreamt portions of it that night I went to bed @__@
I think it was the festivity, warm family atmosphere and celebration of Christmas that made it stand out :)

02 December 2011

Blogger style tumblr blog?

After hearing from Kirsty and Joy that they made a private tumblr form of blogger it got me thinking that it's a good idea :) Except I'm not normally one that keeps things to herself, I either blog publicly or don't blog at all if its personal..

01 December 2011

New Tumblr theme :)

Been spending hours trying to find a good theme and this person makes simple but fully customisable themes :)
You don't have to click on individual posts anymore, putting your cursor over each post brings up an option to do so, and you can even change the word 'reblog' to whatever you want :) Content can either be normal or set to 'slightly transparent' and edges can be round or not. And of course, background can be set to whatever you want hehe.


First day of summer ~

but it doesn't feel like it today since it's cold and cloudy..

Trouble Maker's first mini album came out today and I just listened to IU's Last Fantasy album ^^

29 November 2011


My eyes feel very tired/sensitive today and they cant handle natural light at the moment, its so blinding!! Dx

25 November 2011

Wrap Up for the week (photo blogging)

Today I will attempt to photo blog on the events of this week :)

Today ends the last day of work placement!
All I can say is that after that experience, I actually feel excited to be working back at HJ next week hahaha. No more office work for me :)

It's been 5 days since I last got this new wallet and I really really like it ^^

I bought these last week actually, as a 'fuel' and kind of motivation for my hardcore study sessions. Guess what? I never did end up studying...

Hmm.. back to today, this is what was being prepared when I came home this afternoon.. and this picture shows the end result - its a castle made of two layered jelly and berries inside!! but because the bottom layer was purple and the top layer was light pink, it looks like the whole thing is purple.. meh.

HAHAH how cute is this?! took it just a few moments ago, from an ipod app (Snoopy's Fair) where you set up stalls on a street and earn money from passerbys. Theres a photobooth one and it comes with a variety of cute themes like the one below.

And that's my photo blog for this week :D

24 November 2011

I was gonna say..

Theres only korean girl groups / guy groups but never a mix.. and then I see this today: http://www.allkpop.com/2011/11/cube-to-launch-co-ed-unit-trouble-maker-with-b2sts-hyunseung-and-hyuna and im like, okay, so now theres one. cool.

22 November 2011

So short..

I remember blogging about this months ago, but just out of boredom, decided to compare my height and weight with SNSD members again.. even the shortest member Sunny is taller than me by a few cm, she's 158cm and I'm 156cm! I could be wrong about my height, maybe I'm a few cm taller or shorter, but I just measured it just then so cbb being accurate hahah. I'm ashamed of my height, I'm so short! Standing next to one of them, I'd feel like a little girl, especially next to Sooyoung who is 170cm >__<" (woah, wait is that even possible? she's.. 14cm higher than me?!)

Speaking of that, in chinese school no one can tell I'm in year 12 because.. I'm exactly the same height or shorter than some of the year 6's and year 7's in my class! I'll reference to Danica in year 7, because I'm sure most you know her. Well.. she's around the same height as me, maybe even taller, even if we're.. 5 years different...... I dont know what to say. I honestly do feel like a child when I go to that place.

Hectic Schedule

So many things on this week!

I got my biology tutoring homework due this thursday, a Chinese exam on saturday, 1 assignment due and one in-class assessment to study for next monday, guitar practise to prepare for sunday and work placement for the whole of this week which doesnt let me have time to do anything that is not, well.. work related!! SIGH.

edit: AND a maths test!! (kirsty reminded me)

12 November 2011

K-Pop preparation ~

This is what I'm wearing to K-Pop! Except with a blazer, and a black backpack for my bag :)

If it wasn't for the gold stripes on my dress, I'd be dressed in 100% black, no joking D:

11 November 2011

Bottled/Canned coffee experiences

They sell tons online, but overseas 4 packs for $9.99 with $11.95 shipping Dx Oh, I just randomly  saw one exactly the same price but with $44 shipping. WTHHHH. I was thinking they would sell them in the American confectionery shops in the city but my friend said they dont, so..

A few months ago I tried a canned Nescafe coffee drink in Latte, its really sweet. Many might not like the 'watery sugary coffee' taste that is often associated with canned coffee drinks, but for my tastes it's actually quite nice :)

And about a year ago, I purchased this Korean coffee bottle from an Asian shop but they don't sell it anymore :(


I'm getting unbelievably excited for kpop!!
I did my research a couple of months back and know a few hit songs from each group :) hmm.. except for MBLAQ.. in particular so geed for snsd and max changmin from tvxq :D

10 November 2011

Bubblegum Frozen Fanta

coming to HJ next week, I hope it tastes nice :O

Study theory

The more you study, the more pressure is placed on you to do well, thus the more stressed you are.
These are my following reactions:
Minimal studying + do okay in the exam = surprise
Full studying + do bad in the exam = disappointment
Minimal studying + do bad in the exam = well.. -ahem-
Full studying + do well in the exam = genius :)

09 November 2011

Getting arty/tumblr inspired ~

Delivery package

Today my clothing arrived in the mail! I'm sure everyone feels the same, but I'm super excited to receive packages in the mail :) Actually, on my birthday a friend dropped by and left a present at my doorstep while I was still at school, and I thought it was really thoughtful kekeke ^^

Anyway I thought I would blog my experience on unwrapping the clothes =) and.. sorry for the bad arrangement of photos, so hard to line them properly :(

The packaging! ^^
One more layer
of packaging to remove! ~
And this is the plastic covering! this is the last one =D

The final product!
A shirt hoodie,
very light material
and good for summer :)


^ the magic code to enter forbidden places (like forests)
Kirsty and Joy will get this ;)

05 November 2011

Why the dark side comes out at dark

Hey there, its been a while :)
Lately (well, a few minutes ago) I had the urge to blog about something personal, and then I realised, why do I always tend to blog the emotional, dark things at night? I think it's because I know I usually regret posting stuff like this online (I was surprised at how many people secretly follow my updates even if they dont have a blogger), so if the morning after I realise maybe I've said too much, I can just delete it knowing that maybe it got around to just one or two readers.

And about this 'dark' post, I feel tonight's not the right time to say it.. it's too late into the night and I feel like if I write it down now, it'd take me half an hour to finish ranting.. so anticipate one soon.. maybe ^^
This 'maybe' upcoming post will be based on my feelings towards my most recent 'guy' and something that I don't think I've told anyone yet.. :S

29 October 2011


Is it about time that I take that dust/dirt ridden plastic sheet off my laptop..? But there's been so many times that I accidently spilled drinks and dropped food in that area and it saved my laptop from getting dirty.. ><

22 October 2011

Little Lamb

I remember going there once for Scott's birthday and the restaurant was small and all but I liked the food there :) and im kinda craving it at the moment.. i wanna go there tomorrow!

Oh, I forgot

I need a replacement ring for my necklace :O
My current one lost its colour and looks black.. wahaha

19 October 2011

Requested Wishlist

#01 CLOTHES! I am a size 8-10 :)
I need more bright yellow clothes in my wardrobe hehe

#02 Sunshine Angel Drama on DVD with Eng Subs

#03 All About Girls' Generation "Paradise In Phuket" DVD with Eng Subs

#04 Typo white flip clock

#05 Typo "Message In A Box" mini postcards (52 pack)

#06 Typo fairy light lanterns: vvv pattern below is my favourite ^^

I don't really like making these wishlists for my birthday, because really, I'm happy with anything you think I'd like. Homemade presents are nice.. HUGS. are nice ^^ Nothing! is nice ahahaha :) If everyone is free next Saturday I feel like watching something scary, like Paranormal Activity 3. My shout :) But then after that I'd have NO idea what to do.. Oh! Joy and I should combine our party maybe ^^ Because Im a horrible organiser and they say two heads is better than one x.x Plus her bday is EXACTLY on a saturday! she'll be the star for the day.. not that she wasnt to begin with kekeke xD

10 October 2011

Sleep is a strong anesthetic

I hate how I may be absolutely mad/angry at a guy I like, but the next day my feelings go back to base one and anything bad I've said the day before, I now regret, even if they well and truly deserved it.

Perfect example: yesterday. After all has been done I ask you only to find out you played with my feelings and used it against me. I was so furious. But after going to bed that night and waking up to today I found myself missing you. MISSING YOU. I honestly have to say to myself: what. the. heck.

Do something unforgiving to me, but after a sleep, all is forgiven and the anger is diminished like nothing happened.

08 October 2011

Feeling sad..

that holidays will be over and HSC year will start in less than 2 days.. im not ready to give up lazing around and watching shows and going out and peaceful time at home learning stuff at my own pace T~T

Facebook: 3 Uploaded Videos

Are they filtered so only the people tagged and myself can view it?
I want to let everyone else see it too but I know some people were surprised when they found out I was recording, so I don't want to upload stuff without their permission, so instead I only filtered it to those who attended the event.. Oh but how about selena and mim :O

07 October 2011

Coke Family

One day we are going to get a collection of named coke bottles for the whole family and for my dad to get his custom made at westfield pitt st :D

In the meantime, this seeing this made my sister happy ^^

03 October 2011

Weird habit..

I always feel obliged to pay for something if a person doesn't enjoy whatever it is they're eating/drinking or doing, and its partially my fault O.o
Like.. if I recommend a drink flavour but they end up chucking it, I feel bad and want to repay them in some way.. or if i want to go watch a movie and i insist on watching it but they found it boring.. I feel really bad and want to repay them :(

I want to fall for you

..but I cant..
We have the same interests, as you once said 'I'm like the male version of you', you're good looking (well in my eyes anyway) and you're interested in me too..
You're just using me. You don't like me for who I am. And your thoughts.. are just so.. impure..
It's obvious you go for pretty girls, but when I compare myself to them.. I can not match up to them..
I can tell you're not looking for a relationship either.
You're just like me.

30 September 2011

30th September

Today I was pretty geed to meet and work with amelia for the first time, yet she's worked for very close to almost a year Dx My first impression is.. she's really pretty xD She has the nice Indonesian eyes/smile that strangely remind me of natisa O.o Just from first time meeting her, I can tell she has all the good genes. She's quite talented - can play guitar and piano and she's studying for B engineering!! :O :O And after she left work, my other work friend told me she comes from a wealthy family (topic came up because she was carrying a burberry bag :L). Of course, she has a really nice personality to top it off :D

That was pretty much the highlight of my day :)
So far I've been working for the whole of this week (with the weekend off) wheww.. monday is public holiday meaning double pay!! :D hoping for manager to extend my shift an extra hour at the very least, 4-10pm instead of 5pm! ><

24 September 2011


You know what I haven't worn in a while? Watches :O
When I was working with my friend on Friday and she finished, she dressed back to casual and was wearing a really pretty watch that was either white or silver and had heaps of diamonds (or diamantes or swarovski crystals, whatever shiny jewel it was xD) and it stood out quite a lot.. Considering I've only seen it once and for a few seconds I forgot what it looked like but it's similar to this (except hers was more.. youthful looking I guess?) ^^ This one below is made of swarovski (according to google images) XD

I was thinking (now wearing my one and only purple Baby-G watch) I should buy a more pretty one since I've had this one *points to arm* since year 7 I think? I remember how my grandparents bought it because my mum requested it, since she thought it would be nice for high school.. cant believe I still can remember.. kekeke ^^ So many things to save up for now - I still need to pay my dad for the k-pop ticket, I owe Selena $4 I think? Hmm.. what else.. I need to get my savings back up to the way it was before I went to Indonesia ToT I also want to buy clothes.. light coloured shoes (more flats).. light coloured jackets.. new ring for my necklace.. yellow/blue silicone covers for my phone.. huaa xD everything basically ~ but most importantly the money to shout people for lunch, movies etc ^o^

Seeing Khuntoria on WGM..

I feel like that 'childish' love again XD

23 September 2011

Interview :D

Yay, managed to secure an interview time! ^^
Friday 7 October: 3:00 - 3:15pm
Wish me luck ><

21 September 2011

Graduation of a different sort..

After a long time.. he appeared in my dream again, and it was a long dream but I can only remember the ending >< I was looking at his high school graduation scrapbook and came to his page where he had a photo of him in a group, a fold out paper with a motto attached (both in Indonesian and English) as well as this mini booklet with all these personal questions for people to answer, but I was just interested in his answers, yet he didnt write it down :( That's all I remember from my dream ~

Don't you find it annoying when your phone internet is way faster/consistent in speed than your actual home internet connection?! If I need to go onto a page fast, my phone is always reliable for that, but home internet, you disappoint me =___="

19 September 2011

Heart Attack?!

asdfghjkl im getting paranoid with this chest pain I keep on getting, it didn't just stop after that night I spent until like 2am, it kept going to this day T__T as well as these back shoulder pains I've been getting recently, about 2 weeks ago? I thought it was just because I kept going on my laptop while laying on my bed, back up, but nooo I'm starting to get scared.. I don't want to dieee at a young age, HELP ME!!!

Stolen - Dashboard Confessional

Good song ^^
Got it off William who played it in church when he was doing a practise drum session. So thankyou! :)


Wow.. had the strangest dream last night, that I became the step-daughter of Taeyang because he married my mum (but in my dream she looked Korean) and no one would believe me but I was there to witness their marriage. They didn't have a wedding, it was just me, my mum, Taeyang and the priest and we went out into the park, my mum in her wedding dress and him in his suit and I stood their witnessing the event. But then.. the priest couldn't continue on because the parents of both parties wasn't there as witnesses? So it got cancelled :(

Then the dream skipped again, but this time he was marrying my cousin and it was a more public event? I felt like I wouldn't be able to talk to him though because I wasn't that close with my cousin, so it would mean we were less related.. and I was afraid he would only see me as a 'fangirl' =/

18 September 2011

If I could wish for one thing right now..

It'd be to become a more approachable person.. Like less socially awkward, more friendly smile and all that.. Oh, I wish.. ><

13 September 2011

After admitting it to her..

I'm pretty disappointed in myself.

Strawberry Yogurt

It has now been 5 mins since I applied my first face mask and damnnn it smells so good, I'm so tempted to taste it XD XD And it's really cooling/refreshing on the face - what I expected it to be.. Considering making a home made face mask (bubzbeauty's peaches and cream one maybe?) but it will definitely be messy and I'm not sure it will feel as nice.. xD

12 September 2011

Every single day..

Aww man, been at it for 3+ days straight, every morning and night and its the same message over and over :(

11 September 2011

Exam Timetable (for self-reference)

8:50am - 10:25am


8:50am - 10:55am

8:50am - 10:00am

8:50am - 10:55am


8:50am - 10:25am

1:30pm - 3:35pm

애인이 생기면 하고 싶은 일

(What I want to do when I have a lover)
- G.NA feat. Rain

Listening to this song reminds me of my ideal type of love I wanted to have years ago (I know, so cheesy right?). In SOME ways, I reckon I'm still the same.. but hearing this song makes me want to cringe at some parts.. its a bit TOO mushy for me :$

08 September 2011

The socially awkward one.

- You check your phone because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
- Wait for the right time to say something, you get interrupted. Twice.
- Someone you vaguely know is walking in front of you. You maintain distance.
- Hold the door for some. They're slightly too far away
- Someone comes online, you say "hey", they go offline.
- You go in for a high-five. Other person isn't looking.
- Accidently look someone in the eye. Pretend to look past them.
- You say something stupid. You play it down, but everyone sees your face going red.
- You say "hi" to someone. It comes out as a whisper.
- Your friends formed a circle while you were gone. You can't fit and end up standing slightly askew.
- Waiting by yourself for friends. Pretend you're texting.
- You tell a hilarious joke. Nobody laughs.
- You're in class and you want to cough. Some other person just coughed, now you have to wait.
- Walk into the restrooms and stalls are full; pretend you only came here to wash your hands then leave.
- The person in front is walking slightly slower than you are. You walk at an uncomfortable speed to get past them

Why is it that EVERY point relates to me? Literally every single point. LOL. This is sad -__-"

06 September 2011

When you're really sleep deficient..

Is it normal for your chest and shoulders to get an occasional sharp pain? I understand shoulders, because its been supporting your head for the whole day.. but chest? It feels kinda similar to heart burn from eating food too fast :S

03 September 2011


I previously had no hope for TPG because I actually talked to my dad about it before but he didn't seem to want to change internet.. but just today he was talking about considering getting it! Since the internet I have right now is technically designed for portability instead of for use at home, actual home internet would be really good XD

31 August 2011

Rank Plummet

I went from 2nd in IPT to 10th rank!! 2ND LAST IN THE CLASS!! my mum/dad is gonna keeeeeeeeeeel me T________T

30 August 2011

Old Memories

Random stuff I've screen printed and kept for years XD
Travis' Pact

Tingwu's p/m

Coincidental p/ms?

28 August 2011

*Sense of achievement*

Well tonight, I spent a solid 3.5 hours, no internet connection whatsoever, totally focused on my speech. By the time it was 10:30pm, done! :D :D although in total its 1 min over the max limit.. looks like no early sleep for me tonight T__T

.. now, if I only I could do this for the rest of my schooling life =_____="

18 August 2011

Tuesday night I dreamt about two different things - first one was being excited to go to work because they renovated the kitchen area and included black tile flooring making it really modern-looking? Second one was that I moved to a high school full of asians and people came up to me saying there was a blind person who liked me and wanted to meet me? So I headed down these stairs to some outdoor basketball courts (similar to the stairs at school down to the netball courts) and there were heaps of guys there playing basketball, and that blind guy was one of them yet he played like a person who could see o.o He was pretty tall too.. And I could tell it was him because his eyes were that foggy dark grey colour.. I think as I walked towards him some people stopped to stare because I was the only girl there.. It was weird because I never met him before and he wouldn't have 'seen' me around because he was blind, yet from probably hearing about me, he liked me? Yeah, strange dream.. I dunno if it means something :S

So I dont know if I've ever said this before, but I sometimes believe that dreams have hidden meanings in them, since the bible always references to God communicating to people through dreams. I read somewhere that science says that dreams are just made up of people who you have seen before, whether it be one second glance at them on the street etc. and I think that's true, everything we dream of will always come from something we've already seen, just maybe in a different form. But yeah I reckon it can  also be interpreted to mean something XD

11 August 2011

VIP or gold tickets?

I don't even care if I'm going to the K-Pop music fest, I'm buying tickets anyway XD But which one should I get? One of each or both VIP? Damnn they're so expensive, $100 difference between gold and VIP, but I'm guessing its worth it T__T I feel more prepared for this than Owl City, and even downloaded/listened to all the groups I haven't listened to before.. Suddenly into K-Pop again lol -__- I think I'll end up getting 2 VIPs and make a profit out of one.. I wonder how I can convince my mum to let me to go this one.. since she JUST about let me go to Owl City because it was 'sensible' music.. while K-Pop is.. omgsh lol so much difference =p ah.. what should I doooo..

05 August 2011

400th post

I always turn out to be who I said I would never be or even think of being..

Babyy face!

My sister always has channel ABC on after school and I couldn't help but notice this guy called Alan Shaw is REALLY cute and he looks like he's pouting most of the time loool


- the price of the silicone keyboard cover I bought for my mac, and first item bought using my prepaid visa o.o i know what you're thinking, there are so much more cheaper ones on ebay, but I had to choose this one because I was looking specifically for baby blue and theres like.. none!! >< I dont even know if it will fit, the title of the product says 17 inch but in the description box it says its compatible for 13, 15 and 17 inch. Then I researched a bit on the internet and apparently the keyboard size is generally the same for all macs.. Quoting a website, "They all feature the same excellent backlit keyboard (keyboard size is constant across all models" but that was for the macbook pro.. meh, if it doesnt fit, it just cant fit I guess =/

This is the colour I chose:

And I bought a star projector! :D 30c extra than most, but if 30c means its estimated delivery time is a day earlier than most, and that it comes from a seller with a higher positive feedback and heaps of feedback scores.. then it should be more reliable right? ^^

01 August 2011


So I finally got a chance to play this game at city hunter :D
(because my internet back at home is too slow to download the game)
I'm kinda disappointed because the beginning doesn't offer many personalisations of the character (which was what I was hoping for) so in the end I had to give it a sailor girl uniform and a sword -__-"
I guess the gameplay is alright, so far I've just been fighting these little white balls (they kinda look like dango) and just going from portal to portal getting tutorials by all these mystical creatures. That is it so far (: And then I realised that fb just recently released a Maplestory Adventures game as well and so I decided to play it but while waiting for the screen the load, I decided.. WAIT. NO. I'll be sooo distracted by this game.. So I didn't play it.

23 July 2011

My new wardrobe

Should consist of these:

Haha I realise now that most of them are skirts and singlets with a short length jacket XD

08 July 2011

Holiday in Indonesia: Bandung

I just arrived in Bandung yesterday and I'm staying over at my cousin's house =D
The weather here is so nice, its not really hot at all, and its actually very cold at night :O
The malls here.. are.. omgsh.. compared to Sydney's malls, here is MUCH more better. They actually make an effort to decorate the entire place with statues, water fountains, fairy lights in the trees and all that ^^ I know I'll be taking a lot of photos here.. hahaha =p
I'm really enjoying hanging out with my cousin, and sleeping over at her place.. actually feels more like having a sleepover at a friend's house XD
Hmm.. anyway I'm just about to head out now and head to some malls, so until then..

I miss everyone in Sydney btw! :(

05 July 2011

Holiday in Indonesia: Day 1

Went to Metropolitan Mall and bought a pair of jeans that are identical in colour to my current ones, except its more skinny and longer. Does that mean I've lost a lot of weight? Hmm.. ==" I also got about 3 shirts and hazel and grey contacts ^^ All together in total it came to about.. $50? Its pretty good seeing as jeans in Australia are like $70 + -.-"

I tried a caramel frappuchino from starbucks for the first time, it was so good! D:

And that was it for that day..

01 July 2011

Nicki Minaj

I don't really know my opinion on her.. First time I saw her was on tumblr, used as all these GIFs for months on end. And NOW I finally know who she is :L I guess she'll be really famous soon, since its always really weird videos that get famous.. like anything from Lady Gaga, or 'Friday' by Rebecca Black.. The things celebrities do these days to catch everyone's attention.. hahahah.. She IS a really good rapper though..

Final Fantasy XIII

It's only the first day and I'm already pretty addicted - the graphics are amazing! If I had a better TV, I'd be able to plug in HD and the gameplay would probably be better ^^ The battle sequences are a complete turn around compared to FFVII, and it took a while to get used to. I had to admit, for the first hour, I really preferred the old battle sequence. But an hour later it's actually not too bad =]

Before - Final Fantasy VII (7)

After - Final Fantasy XIII (13)

30 June 2011

Spotted this randomly on youtube's homepage

The song isn't really my type, but I like the lyrics, creativity of the video and the singer's voice of course ^^ And she kind of reminds me of Brenda Song, but this singer has something different that makes her not as identical..

Last Days in Sydney; +Updates!

So as you all know, I'm leaving on Sunday to spend my winter holiday in Indonesia. I'm really excited to become all touristy again and kinda go impulse shopping (this holiday's spending theme is CLOTHES!) as well as soak in my hometown's culture - Ayam Goreng 99 is as close as Indonesians can get to the real food back at home :) But at the same time, I have this sinking feeling in my heart because I won't be there for Connie's birthday, her birthday party and the SMASH anime convention :( not to mention I won't be studying for the exams that I have as soon as school starts the day after I come back! T__T

Speaking of the anime convention, which I mentioned about cosplaying for, a couple of months back, I guess I won't be experiencing my first 'cosplay' attempt. Oh well, maybe next year. But to prepare for it, I'm planning to get my costume made in Indonesia! Since it's much more cheaper. I have decided to go with Clannad's summer uniform :)

Anyway, some updates on what's happened lately.. Umm I've been spending this whole week at Business Services work placement @ Richardson and Wrench, Maroubra. The staff are so friendly (well most of them anyway), that I reckon I'll actually miss them when I end tomorrow D: I really like my supervisors, Rod and Lester - they're the typical office guys that.. well I dunno how else to say it.. have a 'cool' vibe? They chuck jokes, drive really cool cars, turn the music up loud and drive like crazy.. haha. I really like the receptionist/accountant, Sherly and the sales consultant, Megan too. They're nice to talk to and hang around :) Then, theres this guy Bill.. thats really strange. He only looks at Angela, not me ==" Whenever he's talking to the both of us, I seem interested but he never makes eye contact with me. It's like I'm not even there.. And one time I decided to be friendly and say 'Good morning!' and he looks at Angela like she said it! well, whatever.. he kinda intimidates me anyway -.-" Work placement is really a bludge, we spend so much time doing nothing, and we're allowed to go on facebook and all that, but we dont go on very often, in case it leaves a bad impression on the workers. We do go on property inspections though, which is really fun :) And thats about it for that..

Today I went shopping and bought myself a couple of things - firstly, FINALLY got myself a good ipod case and screen protector that was 60% off each. From $30 to $10 for the case. ^^ Although its MUCH too late, I've only had my ipod for around 2 months and the back has so much scratches that are enough to make it seem like I've had it for 1 year+ -__-" Most importantly.. FINAL FANTASY XIII IS NOW IN MY HANDS!! seriously, about time xD I've only ever owned Final Fantasy VII, which has super old graphics and runs on PS1, but is what caused to love the whole idea of FF, because the storyline was heaps good. now all i need is a PS3 to be able to start gaming, which my friend is willing to lend to me tomorrow. So I'm all set ;) And lastly, also bought pretty good flats (about time too) for $15. My first pair of own flats actually. I can only fit the ones with a flexible sole, because the width of my feet is thin and doesn't suit the flats that have a sturdy sole. Anyway I'll be using those a lot now, no need for my mum's anymore :)

And.. thats it. Tomorrow after my last day of work placement, I'm collecting my new glasses and contacts. I feel so relieved I don't have to wear my old frames anymore xD Yes.. I might take a picture when I get them ^^

If any of you want anything from Indo, ask away :D

26 June 2011

After 2.5 years

I decided to replace my glasses and thought, well I only wear them at home anyway, so might as well make it whatever :L So I ended up replacing them with frames extremely similar to 3D glasses :D

22 June 2011

The beggar

Today I went out into the city until 6:30pm-ish and waited to catch the bus home. Plugged my earphones in and then this woman comes up with a stroller and starts talking to me. I could tell she was a beggar I moved out of her way because I thought she was going to shout at me or something. But instead she starts talking to me so I quickly remove my earphones, missing out on half her talking but she goes "...thankyou (probably for taking out my earphones? lol). i have a child here *points to some figure hidden under a blanket* I was wondering if you could donate.." etc etc I didn't even bother to listen, just gave her $2 because I was scared she would argue with me or something. I did notice that the blanket wasn't moving at all though, and it seemed awfully flat. I was like in my head 'I'm so being conned, there aint no baby under there...' lol but I gave it anyway. She thanks me and goes off. About 10 minutes later I see her again, coming in the opposite direction and asking other people for money.. And in place of the 'baby' in the trolley, theres.. a DOG! Dammit, double conned LOL. oh well, interesting story.

11 June 2011

Driving 60km/h

on a 60km/h speed limit and tons of cars still speed way past me..

10 June 2011

Science and Faith

Tried to break love to a science
In an act of pure defiance
I broke her heart
As I pulled apart her theories
As I watched her growing weary
I pulled her apart
Having heavy conversations
About the furtherest constellations of our souls
And we're just trying to find some meaning
In the things that we believe in
But we got some ways to go
Of all the things that she's ever said
She goes and says something that just knocks me dead

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope
You won't find heart and soul in the stars
You break everything down to chemicals
But you can't explain a love like ours

It's the way we feel, yeah this is real

I tried pushing evolution
As the obvious conclusion of the start
But it was for my own amusement
Saying love was an illusion of a hopeless heart

08 June 2011


I want to go for tutoring but I honestly think it will be a waste of my parent's money because I'm likely not to do the set homework, and the students there will be so much smarter than me, that when it comes to checking over answers to homework, the teacher will be like 'any questions?' and I'd be scared to raise my hand because no one needs extreme explanation like I do -__- It's happened already at North Shore, it can happen twice :(

Will I get hurt?

I was thinking of adding him as a friend again, so I did. But then 5 minutes later, I thought of how risky it would be if he said something to hurt me again. I mean, I'm really confident I've fully recovered and moved on, but who knows? I just can't risk it. So I cancelled it. And then he adds me half an hour later.. It's probably safer not to accept aye?

06 June 2011


(I posted rankings up earlier but decided to edit it and remove it because I placed top 10 in 3 subjects.. and if I drop ranking in the semester 2 report, my self esteem would plummet..)

Overall SOR is a major letdown.. And if I want to get a bachelor in design in university (which I really plan to do when I graduate) I really shouldn't be ranking in 6th place :( You'd think I'd be proud of IPT, and I am but the comment my teacher made during the interview was, 'this ranking does not truly reflect Emily's true performance because it was based on a group assignment. However this upcoming due assignment is individual and will better reflect her true ranking' Damn.. the pressure D:

Day #20;

Your definition of different types of love

I thought I already answered this :(
Well this concludes my 20 day challenge on love / relationships ^^

Day #19;

A note to a friend you love the most

Dear friend,

I hope you're okay :(
I don't really know what happened, but be strong!
Sorry I can't be there to comfort or talk to you..


03 June 2011


I don't know what to blog about anymore - I've been making drafts for the last few days but never posting anything up :L

31 May 2011

Day #18;

A note to the person in your family you love the most

Out of all honesty, this is the most stupid question I've ever heard - I love them all with all my heart. Sure, my sister may be annoying at times, and my dad may rage at the smallest things, and my mom may lecture me for this and that, but there's no such thing as perfect and I've learnt to appreciate what I have. Not that I have ever not appreciated them, my mom and dad have raised me for years on end to form part of who I am today. I take too many things for granted, but when I stop to think for a while, I realise they sacrificed so much for me to give me a roof for my head, to cater to my every food needs and 'wants', provide entertainment, quality education and grant some of my wishes for all these luxuries. And my sister. She is my number one supporter and fan, the way I act towards her, the stuff I like to do and the attitude I have towards people all seem amazing to her.. that is until I start to shout or get annoyed, then I wonder if it actually will affect the way she treats people in the future. What would happen if she was never here? Never there to play games with me? Talk to me when I'm sad? Instantly like everything I like? My life wouldn't be the same without my family. I love them all too much.

So, I guess I'll finally start my letter.. Wait, no, I just want them to read what I just wrote above. Because that is my letter :)

27 May 2011

Day #17;

Do you want to get married one day? If so, describe your dream wedding. If not, why not?

Yes :)
I'd like a modern wedding, not really those ceremonial asian ones. But then again, I've never experienced a ceremonial one, so I wouldn't know xD My main flower theme would be orchids.. It'd be at a modern church with a bit of tradition.. All my closest family and friends would be there.. There would definitely be a lot of excitement and happiness on that day (and I'm hoping it won't be a day where I'm too nervous) xD There will definitely be a professional photography and filmography.. I want my wedding to be like those ones people post videos of, like this one ^^

26 May 2011

Two Loves

It's been a while but he appeared in my dream again.. I got a note from him saying that he was in love with two people - me and his ex ex girlfriend. And he told me he was really confused and all that and didn't know what to do. But I looked it over without emotion. I mean I'm not going to fall again easily, its going to have to take a lot of effort from him if he wants me back. So I replied to him in person by saying that I was fine with it and that we'd somehow figure it out in the future. I didn't really have much hope anymore.

25 May 2011


So I don't know if I've told you all, but my ex came back to working at the same place I do. Do you remember last Saturday how I wrote about moving on and avoiding contact with him? Well that Monday was his first day back and I was freaking out because I would be working with him for a solid 4+ hours. You could say it was the worst timing, aye? Just when I thought I would never have to see/hear about him again, he makes a comeback appearance at work.. Well it's been about a week now and I've worked with him 3 times (yesterday was the most recent). I'm actually going REALLY good :) I look at him like he's just one of the crew members. However I do try to avoid getting into situations where I talk to him. But if I do, I just talk like I normally would I guess. Umm.. the bad side is that he still manages to make me nervous and I start stammering sometimes and my movements become all awkward. I avoid eye contact most of the time.

Now this is the really strange part.. I finished work yesterday and he still had an hour to go. I was about to walk out the door and he came into the opposite direction, so with my hands full, carrying my blazer and umbrella, I went 'see ya!' and waved at him, like I do to every other person at work when I leave. And he stops me in my track and hugs me. I guess I shouldn't be worrying, because he also did that the last time we went out as 'friends' during term 1 holiday. But why is it only me?

Day #16;

Your favourite movie about love

The Notebook

Day #15;

Your favourite quote about love

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her"
- Max Lucado

24 May 2011

Day #14;

Your first crush, in great detail

Anyone who knew me in year 7/8 (2007/2008) would know there was this one guy I obsessed over for years - Ben. I didn't even know him, but it was a habit seeing him everyday after school getting off the 370 bus at the stop where I would wait to catch the bus home. I just thought he was really attractive at that time and that's what caused me to start this whole thing xD I eventually starting liking him for what was about 2 - 2.5 years? It lead to me doing REALLY crazy things, like waiting for an hour, sometimes even in the rain >< I would write about him really often. In fact, my diary (not an online one) is practically filled with entries about him xD It was only in 2009 (I think) that I realised my friend Doris actually went to the same primary school as him and she introduced me to him through msn. And yes, I eventually confessed but to my disappointment, he declined. I think he knew it was coming, it was so obvious that I liked him back then >< Even after that, I think I still continued to like him for a while. It probably eventually phased out in 2010?

22 May 2011

Day #13;

A song you'd want at your wedding

(Finally up to the day I'm supposed to be at for today) xD
This is REALLY hard.. I honestly don't know, but it'd definitely be a classic love song, a song that never really goes out of date but has sweet lyrics suited for a wedding :)

Day #12;

Top 10 favourite love songs

Of all time? And 10 only?! The list could go on xD Anyway this is not in any order :)

1. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
2. I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden
3. Simple Love - Jay Chou
4. Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars
5. The Saltwater Room - Owl City
6. Rapuh - Joeniar Arief
7. You'll Always Be Mine - Phath
8. Let Me Love You - Mario
9. Mad - Ne-Yo
10. She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

Day #11;

Your dream first date

I always like to start off my first date with something simple, so just movies I guess :) On my first date.. is when hugs and holding hands make my heart skip a beat.. hehe ^^ No kissing on the first date! I like having a slow start :) My dream is for it to just go well, trying to avoid awkward situations would be best. haha ^^

Still thinking about it xD

This morning.. wkwkwk.. at the end of church made a prayer circle and joined hands with the person to right and left of us. My brother was on my right and there was a space at the left so that guy went in and I got to hold his hand for more than a minute!! ahhhhh XD XD

21 May 2011

Day #10;

A letter to the person you hope will be your last love

Marry me, let's grow old together. Promise to stay by my side every step of the way and never let me go. Take care of me - I'll be sure to do the same. We'll build our dreams and future together.

Day #09;

A letter to your most recent love

Ahaha must I go through this? Writing letters to him is like second nature now, I honestly can't count how many handwritten letters I've given to him, especially when we parted ways. But now that I'm kind of over unrequited love, I guess it's been a while. Here goes.

Dear love,

I hope you're happier without me around. You probably would've noticed by now that I no longer want to hear from you, but remember that you pushed me away first, not me. I don't want to have to go through the pain of going through your facebook or twitter and hearing these statuses about girls that are not me. I don't want to 'hope' anymore that that girl is me, because who am I kidding? It's just wishful thinking. But.. as much as I want to forget about you, a part of me still wants to love you, whether it be friends or more than that. Despite all the cold things I said just then, it's only because you've hurt me so much to the point that I wish that you could, for once, realise how much damage you've done. But I care about you too much to want to hurt you as much as you did to me. In the end.. all I hope for is that.. maybe one day our paths will cross again.

emilyjane x

20 May 2011


" Dressed in her wedding gown, a college student identified only as Miss Li climbed out on the window ledge of the building in Changchun city in northeast China. The 22-year-old sobbed and swung her legs out the window for about an hour before police officers arrived.

Li said she could not live with the fact her fiancé had left her and married another woman just days before their wedding "

Omg.. I can't even imagine how much pain I'd be in if I were her..

19 May 2011

Day #08;

A letter to your first love

To my first love,
I don't know if I've met you yet. All my relationships have been so short.. I know I've had some relationships that feel like love, but maybe it isn't. I have no idea. I just hope that when I do meet you, I won't just dive head first and get lost in the feeling. I want to be your best friend and lover. I want you to be the type that comes into my life as my best friend but eventually grow into a lover. I want to go on adventures with you, talk to you about anything and everything. I want my life to be filled with memories of you, so that if you ever go overseas even for a week, every normal thing I used to do with you, doesn't feel right because you're not there. I know that if you leave me, it will take away a huge part of me, but I say this with no intention of ever leaving you and hoping you won't do the same either. Can't wait to see you soon.

18 May 2011

Lagging Behind

Sorry guys! I know I haven't been a good blogger, always delaying posts, but the homework I'm getting is crazy! Well not really, but since I'm working this whole week, Monday - Thursday and until 9pm, yes, it has gotten that way. Of course with the help of procrastination too, on hours where I could be doing my homework but choose not to =="

17 May 2011

Day #07;

Your first kiss

wasn't until.. my forth ex, Billy xD I was really self-conscious back then and didn't want my first one to turn out bad so.. I stayed away from it for so long that by the end our relationship ended, it never happened >< I don't know, I guess I was just comfortable with holding hands and hugging, that was as far as I wanted to go back then. I reckon it was actually a good thing, how I was able to have a boyfriend that I could just connect with through talking like we're best friends and being comfortable around each other. Not count on the physical stuff, you know. But then again, maybe that's why most of my relationships ended fast, it was all talk >< My most recent ex changed EVERYTHING around though, in that relationship I changed the way I showed my affection and went for physical more than social/emotional. I let my actions do all the talking. Anyway.. Hmm.. I think that's all I wanted to say about this topic, there's not much to say :)

Day #06;

Your first love, in great detail

I'll be honest with you all, I don't know if I've had a first love. All my relationships ended too quickly to find out. None of them managed to reach the 2 month mark. Except one. I do think that Tingwu was the first guy I was serious about though. With the others, I either lost interest in them, or they lost interest in me. Hmm.. Now we all know my most recent ex was the one who made it through to 3 months. But readers of my blog would know nearly all my feelings about him right now. It'd be useless to go over that again. So instead, I'll talk about a BIT of our beginning story :D Since I have little hope we'll be together in the future anyway, I'm sure he wouldn't mind xD And I'm also sharing this because this is something I don't think I've told anyone about - the truth about the beginning xD

We met through work. First time I saw him was when I came there for the first time ever and filled out an application form with Jess and Teresa. That time, I didn't really pay much attention to him, because he only collected our forms. Then the story skips to when I was still in my junior days, already starting out but really new to the whole scene, only been working a couple of days. Rina, the shift manager and match-maker at that time, proposed that Richard take me to the bus stop when I had just finished my shift, because he was on his break at that time. He agreed and said why not. We had our first talk, and it was really casual. Again, didn't really pay much attention to him. I did notice how he was friendly though, through his tone of voice. Then I think months past, I never really had much of an impression of him because he was in college and I was definitely not interested in those types of guys (at the time). Hmm.. we had quite a few shifts together. I distinctly remember how whenever he walked into the store and I waved, he never was the type of person to wave back. It was strange, but I was okay with it, didn't offend me or anything. Anyway more weeks past and things happened with Billy. When we reached our end around July/August 2010, I was quite upset. Then some significant things started happening. I got my braces off. And one night shift, Richard talked to me during work. And Indonesia. I remember him talking about how he would take me around one day. I even asked if I could ride on a motorbike with him instead of have him drive me around, because I've always thought riding on one was much more fun :) Jessica Lay started noticing things (the smart girl she is) but I was completely oblivious, I thought he was just being friendly. Then came the day. That he offered to pick me up from work when I finished my shift at night, around 8pm I think? He actually came earlier and sat down facing the counter direction. He was being sweet, and wrote/drew my name on a paint application on his ipod. I think I did something similar. Then he wrote my name on a paper napkin, all decorated and it had the date and my favourite lyrics on it. I can't believe I was still oblivious LOL. I never knew he liked me. When I finished work, we walked to the bus stop and talked for ages waiting for the bus to come. It was heaps cold. I remember him making advances on me, yet I was still clueless. Omg. He put his arm on my shoulder and that. Seems reasonable enough to think it was friendly though right? The bus didn't come, so he proposed that we walk all the way to Kensington to catch the bus. He always suggested we catch taxi but I knew it was expensive so I always refused. Lucky I did, even if I came home super late that day. I was shivering like crazy. So he held my hand the whole way. Sometimes our fingers interlocked. How stupid was I to think that it was all because I was just 'cold' and he wanted to keep me warm? I still thought he was being friendly but yes, it was quite awkward. We reached a traffic light. And he embraced me in a full hug when we waited. Cant believe I still remember this XD When we crossed the road, the bus stop was there, so we waited. This time he was closer than usual and looked into my eyes, and asked me what colour his eyes were. I said brown. He said mines were black but I said they're the same as his. And then he told me he was slightly colour blind or something. That time, looking into his eyes.. were so mesmerising. I remember seeing something special and warm in them. Anyway. We took the bus to Kingsford. Then he walked me around the road where the 343 bus stop was, but opposite it and heading in the direction of my house. Oh, I remember now. He told me he wanted to say something but didn't know how or where. I remember that I kept asking him, 'when?' or 'where?' and this time it was getting close. But I still didn't realise. When we reached the corner he told me to stop, and walked me over to the wall. Then.. he advanced so close that I leaned on the wall and then, he placed his arm behind me, onto it,and he looked into my eyes.. and asked me then and there. 'Will you be my girlfriend?'

To be continued..

Ahaha nah, I better leave the story there. It was my dream night.

14 May 2011

"Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend"

Today I went to Papa Roti with my awesome church RDG (radical discipleship group) leader, Sunny :) we dnmed, especially about my ex. And I guess she made me realise I deserve better, someone who will never give up on me even if the world throws a million reasons that he should. I guess Chinese people could refer to the 'Fox and Grapes' story LOL. To speak disparagingly of something you cannot attain :( Anyway.. she also told me that she went through something slightly similar, the whole fact that it was hard to move on. And so she gave me advice and told me the best way to move on is to kind of stay away from contact with him, until I'm confident I've moved on. She's right. I mean, every time I think I've moved on, he suddenly posts statuses about this 'girl' that he supposedly can't stop thinking about. And I'm back to where I started ==" For all I know, he could be referring to the porn star he dreamt about last night :L I realise its just wishful thinking that its me. He never wrote stuff that sweet when we were together. And as soon as he pushes me out, he gets all romantic. What the heck.

Anyway so I took the initiative, and decided its time to stop trying to get involved in his life. I know i've blogged heaps of time about moving on. But this is a huge step. To erase nearly everything. I can't stand to delete all the messages, even back to when he first confessed and ask me to be his girlfriend. Sigh. He'll probably thank me for letting him ago anyway. In fact he's probably waited for this day to come for so long. Of course, I feel incredibly upset and sad that I made this choice, and slack to him, but I just want him to be happy, and for him to be that, I gotta move on and stop trying to want him back. And to stop wanting him, the best (but hardest option) is to erase all physical memories that keep me holding on.. I know, its the worst and cruelest option right? Richard, if you're reading this, you were my most beloved. You were the best I ever had. You were the first I could imagine marrying in the future. I never wanted to do this, but I have to, if I want you to be happy. Please don't take it the wrong way. But I've tried so hard to still be your friend, but maybe my undeniable feelings for you keep getting in the way, I really can't be your friend after all. I'm so sorry. I'm so heartbroken that I had to do this.. But its the only way to move on..

Deleted off facebook. Unfollowed on twitter. Deleted number. (Damn, I still remember it off by heart though ==").. Deleted messages. That last one.. is the hardest. I deleted all the ones on my blackberry. But the texts he sent me when he first confessed and ask me to be his girlfriend, the sweetest messages, they're on my old phone. I don't want to delete those, but my dad uses my old phone and he most likely deleted them already :(

Still have to delete off msn and skype. And put away his jacket, birthday present, drawing and letter.. maybe in a box.. on top of my cupboard..

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend..
*this goodbye is not forever

Day #05;

Go to this site: http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp and take the quiz about love languages. Post your results. Were you surprised by this?

Words of affirmation - 23%
Quality time - 40%
Receiving gifts - 10%
Acts of service - 20%
Physical touch - 7%

"Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If two scores are identical, you are bi-lingual (you have two primary love languages). If the scores of your primary language and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 and 9 respectively), it indicates both are important to you. The highest possible score for any one love language is 12.

Having a clear picture of your primary and secondary love languages will explain much of your past behavior. Think back over the past and ask yourself, "What have I most often requested of my spouse?" Chances are your answer will lie within the scope of your primary and secondary love languages."

Hmm.. I'm kind of not surprised because the questions asked are so obviously pointing to one of those categories, and there were heaps of repeated questions but put into different words. I think.. my love language should be a mix of everything, I mean everyone expects a bit of every 'love language' right? I like to be told I'm loved from time to time, have quality time with them, receive gifts (even if it means just a hug or kiss or meaningful letter, doesnt have to be a physical gift or something with a price tag), acts of service (offering to carry my bag, pay for me from time to time, visiting me spontaneously) and physical affection. So I really think this love language quiz is kinda messed up. xD

Day #04;

A picture that shows your definition of love

12 May 2011

Day #03;

Your definition of love

What a hard question xD Love can't be defined because its sooooo broad, but I think that's the point. There's no telling what love can make us feel or do, and so we can't describe what love is, because it's different for everybody.

My definition of love (romantic kind) would be when you look into the person's eyes and you can see your future with them. You feel like you'll marry them one day and that you'll trust that they'll promise to stay with you through all the good and bad times, for the rest of your life. Exactly like wedding vows :) Love is when you can't imagine life without them, because they are so involved in your life and you are in theirs. It's when reality is better than your dreams. It's when their feelings can affect yours - you are happy when they are, sad when they seem down. You care about them. You dedicate your life to making them happy. It's when they can be two people at once - a lover and a best friend. And most importantly.. it's about sacrifice and commitment.