30 April 2011

First Mistakes

Today went for a drive on the light traffic streets, like Bunnerong Rd and the others around there. Damnnnnn totally different environment. I got so nervous when I had one car lining up behind me.. then two cars.. then three.. AHHHH the pressure!! >< Experienced my first roundabouts, traffic and speed bumps.. and, of course, my first 'crash into the kerb'.. -.-" what was embarrasing was that there were people about to cross the street I was turning left into, so they kinda saw it all.. :'(

29 April 2011

I'm letting myself go before my last exam (it's English though, and I haven't even written a practise essay yet..). Reactivated my facebook again and decided to buy my iTouch today.. I will be very distracted indeed x.x

28 April 2011

@Nathan

Yeah, lets meet up so I can give you CDs :D When and where? Im going Easties with Janice @ around 1, so maybe meet Kingsford when you finish school if I'm finished by then? Since you ran out of credit I'll call you later in the day ^^

27 April 2011

Lack of papers

So apparently we're allowed 3 papers for the biology exam tomorrow afternoon? And everyone seems relieved that we're allowed to bring in more notes, so does that mean people have gathered more information that can fit 2 pages? Because.. I barely even need 2.. Thats a REALLY bad thing, isnt it.. O__o

11 Candles

Happy 11th Birthday to my beautiful little sister, Jessica!

26 April 2011

@Nathan

Wait! What happens on my wedding day then? It's very rare to see a bride without makeup, but they look so pretty when they do :O

The Stresses of Senior Year.

I remember print screening the many tabs I had open, just for memories. This was EXACTLY how much websites I had open for my design and tech assignment in term 1 o__o

Don't see any change? I don't blame you :) Took this photo from my webcam so it doesn't show much, but I tried out a new look - black circle lenses, eyeliner and mascara. It doesn't look too bad in real life, maybe just needs getting used to. Now, the thing I hate about makeup is that if you keep it on too long, people actually get used to your new appearance, and find your natural appearance rather strange. Oh, especially if you meet someone new, with makeup, then them seeing you without makeup is like.. woah XD I think makeup for me is best reserved for occasions and for being around people who already know my natural appearance :)

Already.. Struggling..

The temptation to reactivate my facebook is already so strong T_T

Bye, Facebook!

Opted to temporarily deactivate my facebook account (although I don't know if I can even survive a day! LOL) I think because facebook is gone, it's not going to do any good, I think I'll spend even more time on blogger, twitter and msn -__-" I wonder, can I survive not having facebook for an entire TWO weeks? Until my exams finish? LOL I wish. We'll see =p

It Gets Worse..

It it officially a day before the half yearly exams and I have not studied at all. Should I be worried? YES. What the hell is wrong with me?! Why aren't I motivated to study at all?! Usually I'd start to panic and start studying a few days before exams, but now its reached a DAY before exams. I think I need to go see a psychiatrist, something is definitely WRONG with me. It's like I'm throwing my whole future away, away for WHAT? I don't think I should even dare to ask God for help right now, because he gave me a whole holiday's worth of opportunity to study and I just threw it all away on working, going out, driving and watching TV. Will my parents forgive me? No. Will God forgive me? I dont know. Will the HSC forgive me? DEFINITELY NOT. They don't spare no mercy for those who decide to spend their studying time doing something else.

The question now is.. what to do..

25 April 2011

From Nathan, who got it off Kayla :D

NAME: Emily Jane Purnomo
AGE: 26/10/1994

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = Ice green tea
2. last phone call = Felix
3. last text message = Richard
4. last song you listened to = Wedding Dress - TaeYang
5. last time you cried = Two days ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = No
7. been cheated on = I hope not
8. kissed someone & regretted it = No
9. lost someone special = Yes
10. been depressed = Yes
11. been drunk and threw up = No

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Baby blue
13. Baby pink
14. Baby yellow

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = Yes
16. Fallen out of love = Yes
17. Laughed until you cried = Yes
18. Met someone who changed you = Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were = Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you = Yes
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list : Yes

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = About 95% maybe?
24. Do you have any pets = No, they all passed away :(
25. Do you want to change your name = No
26. What did you do for your last birthday = Just went to school I think? LOL
27. What time did you wake up today = Don't know, maybe 10am?
28. What were you doing last night = At the Sydney Entertainment Centre for Hillsong film/art festival + Easter celebrations! :D
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = A husband! Him in particular!
30. Last time you saw your Mother = A second ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = So much!
32. What are you listening to right now = Just a Dream - Nelly
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?= No
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = Him not answering my text, and the half yearlies in 2 days that I have not studied for whatsoever.
35. Most visited webpage = Facebook
37. Nickname = Purnomo, Jane, Emily Jane, Emjay
38. Relationship Status = Taken in heart
39. Zodiac sign = Scorpio
40. He or She = Libra
41. Elementary = St Michael's, Daceyville
42. High School = OLSH College, Kensington
43. College = n/a
44. Hair color = Black/Dark Brown
45. Long or short = Long
46. Height = Cbb measuring xD
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = Yes
48. What do you like about yourself? = That I love God ^^
49. Piercings = Just the ears
50. Tattoos= No
51. Righty or lefty= Righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery= n/a
53. First piercing = Back when I was a baby.. don't remember how old I was
54. First best friend = Back in pre-school maybe?
55. First sport you joined = Karate
56. First vacation = Indonesia
58. First pair of trainers = Don't remember..

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating = n/a
60. Drinking = n/a
61. I'm about to = Feel more guilty for not studying
62. Listening to = (Just un-paused my iTunes lol..) Just A Dream - Nelly
63. Waiting for = A text

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids? = Yes
65. Get Married? = Yes
66. Career? = Ideally, professional photographer, interior designer or graphic designer

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes = Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses= Kiss, if its with my boyfriend x) Hug for everything else ^^
69. Shorter or taller = Taller
70. Older or Younger = Older
71. Romantic or spontaneous = Romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = Nice stomach? Lol that sounds weird =p
73. Sensitive or loud = Sensitive.. but not too much
74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Err.. I don't even know haha

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = No
77. Drank hard liquor = No
78. Lost glasses/contacts = Yes, contacts several times -.-"
79. Sex on first date = Nup, still a virgin :D
80. Broke someone's heart = Yes
81. Had your own heart broken = Yes
82. Been arrested = No
83. Turned someone down = Yes
84. Cried when someone died = Yes
85. Fallen for a friend = Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = Not really
87. Miracles = Yes
88. Love at first sight = Yes
89. Heaven = Yes
90. Santa Clause = No
91. Kiss on the first date = No
92. Angels = Hmm.. never really thought about it..
Been trying to seize an opportunity to try out food photography this holidays but haven't had a chance to..

The Holidays

You guys dont have to read this, I didnt write anything interesting but its just for future reference, looking back and all that :)

Went to the Easter show on the 18th with the HJ crew :)
I was INCREDIBLY sick in the morning; i was really dizzy, lost my vision frequently, instantly got cold sweats and threw up (nothing) a couple of times. But despite all that, I still dared to go because I reallyreallyreally wanted to see everyone; I swear it was the WORST day to get sick :( I spent half the day with a 'not-in-the-mood-to-do-anything' but spent my first ride on the wave swinger. Next, went in a scary house. Queenie held on to my arm so tight :( and then after that, I think I started to get better after sitting on the ground for around half an hour watching Jess and the others go on heaps of rides :) Went on my first roller coaster - was the BEST experience ever! XD Then ended the night with bumper cars ^^

The day after that, went for my drivers licence and passed :D So far, done about 3 hours of driving, I think its fun but yeah, I understand why everyone is more excited for a P1/P2 licence - its boring without passengers, cant drive family or friends around legally :(

Yummm

Tofu with sweet and sour sauce x)

12 April 2011

Connected Minds in Love

"Do you have a spare face mask to lend me?
Because I said too much, now it will not eventuate
Maybe time is an antidote
Or the poison I'm taking right now
Without seeing your smile, how can I sleep?
Your voice is so close yet I cannot hug you"
- Cai Hong (Rainbow)

"My feelings are inexplicably dragging on, as I realised that I still love you
And yet you continue singing this song, pretending that everything is alright
Time has passed and walked away, and there's a choice to be made when it comes to love
You're becoming apathetic and tired, and I cried ..
I understand, so there's no point talking anymore; our love has become bland and my dreams have become farfetched ..
I still remember very clearly the feeling of having loved
You've given up waiting, so where is our promised happiness?"
- Shuo Hao De Xing Fu Ne (Where Is Our Promised Happiness)

"(When we're) Together, it's called a dream
(When we're) Separated, it's called pain
Is it possible to say that unfinished dreams are most agonising? ..
Can you spare me the time of a song ..
Say goodbye only when the story has finished
The tears you gave, I'll keep it for rainy days
Oh.. crossing the limit you drew, I decided where my courage will end

You said I should not, should not, should not have at that moment said I love you
How do I prove that I've not even an ounce of energy left to fabricate lies
Please tell me if pausing (a moment) is equivalent to giving up (forever)
I've only memories of that day"
- Gei Wo Yi Shou Ge De Shi Jian (Spare Me the Time of a Song)

"Don't want you to leave
Distance cannot separate us
When memories turn into an ocean
It's outside the window, unable to enter
Forgiveness is said too fast
Love became an obstacle
The kite in hand, released too fast, is never to return
Don't want you to go
Memories cannot be drawn apart
The affections I owe you
I wait for another chance"
- Hua Hai (Ocean of Flowers)

Jay Chou knows me too well.


11 April 2011

Silence.. o.o

Opinions on cosplay so far: 0
No comments whatsoever on my posts, on facebook, anything. Maybe no one really reads my blog T__T
Or maybe I ranted too much? When everyone saw how much I wrote on the post, they just decided not to read it at all :L Okay. okay. I won't write much anymore then.. I didn't know it was that boring ><"
or maybe.. I just won't go at all =="

10 April 2011

Secret Signal

What happened after I posted that tweet:

'.. you can draw on a very deep well of persistence. Your non-judgmental acceptance of those you love, combined with your willingness to wait for the right moment, will likely clear the way for your success.'

reaction: :')

'doubt is the rust of life.. So, rid yourself of the doubt, take that step one way or another, your heart knows what is best, but take it right now.'

reaction: :'D

And to you:
連上彼此的訊號 才有個依靠
有太多人太多事 夾在我們之間咆哮
雜訊太多訊號弱 就連風吹都要干擾
可是你不想 一直走在黑暗地下道
想吹風 想自由 想要一起手牽手

我害怕你心碎沒人 幫你擦眼淚
別管那是非 祇要我們感覺對
別離開身邊 擁有你我的世界才能完美

你說你想逃開鬆手 愛太累愛得不自由
因為我給不起最簡單的承諾
你停止收訊號 我開始搜尋不到

Cosplay Part 2

I added K-on! onto that list this morning because I forgot last night.. x.x
And.. I just realised.. when asians try to cosplay characters with their natural black hair, it doesn't look as good. So I think.. I need to cross out Kanon and Shuffle :( All the characters have unnatural hair colours. Clannad does as well, but I like the uniform too much, I'll just keep that option. Or.. should I go a step further and get a wig? LOL no way, I won't go that far. Just saying if I want to look like the characters, Mio from K-on or Katsura from School Days is the best I can get, because they both have long, black hair..

09 April 2011

Cosplay

I have to admit, I'm not one of those super obsessive fans of anime/manga, I don't watch it all the time, collect figurines and attend all the events.. but I thought this year would be interesting if I went to the SMASH! Sydney Manga and Anime Show dressed as an anime character, for the fun of it XD It will be my first time EVER going to that type of event, so I don't really know what to expect. But firstly, who will I go with?! I'm definitely dragging Felix along so he can be my photographer :D but.. who else? All I remember was that Liyisa and Christie went to one before.. is that seriously all the people that go? o__o And if I get someone to tag along with me, would they dress up too? I don't want to dress by myself T__T Second, what do I dress up as?! Well I really want to stick with something basic.. like school girl for example. Everything else.. is just too provocative or extreme, its like schoolgirl is the most innocent and 'coverable' look you can get in anime, yet its misused/misinterpreted so often as 'dirty' at the same time x.x And lastly.. will I rent/purchase an actual costume (which most likely will have to be online,not to mention will be expensive), or make do with what I have and buy a few more stuff? But it won't be as unique.. I'll list/show anime I like and my opinion of their school uniform

Anime schoolgirls:
- School Days
the most simple one, but doesn't look nice without the blazer. can be mistaken for an ordinary school uniform, nothing really stands out. but i like the plain colours, could be best for my first experience XD
- Clannad (summer uniform)
If you know me well, I like nautical type of clothing (anything related to sailor/marine style) so this uniform would be perfect ^^ But if I get this look, I can't just piece together what I have in my wardrobe, which means I gotta buy the full costume online. Good thing is.. they sell heaps of this uniform :D
- Kanon
Really strange uniform, and the ones you can buy on the internet look bad. However its unique, not many anime schoolgirls have that uniform :)
- Shuffle! (winter uniform)
Don't like brown and especially DONT LIKE the puffed sleeves. But other than that, I actually like it, its the first anime I ever really liked, actually.. The thing that stands out in this uniform is the ribboned cap that comes with it.. it looks soooo good in the anime, especially on Sia (girl with red hair in the picture below)

- K-on!
This one is also really simple like the first one. Uniform is easy to get. However, same with the first one. Can be easily mistaken for any Australian uniform. It's really easy to make this uniform out of random stuff, don't need to buy a complete set online.


and that's it! So anyway, when you guys read this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me your opinion on which one you think suits me best! Comment here, on fb, through msn, where ever ^^ Or even if you suggest other anime with schoolgirls, or just not schoolgirls altogether, feel free to tell me. I need ALL the opinions I can get :D just letting you know, I LOVE Final Fantasy VII but the stuff the girls wear.. Tifa, Yufi.. way too provocative.. Aeris, not provocative, but too extreme, gotta wear a loooooong pink dress..? no thanks xD

08 April 2011

TOTAL FAIL.

Tomorrow is my chinese exam
2 weeks ago, I got this practice paper to basically just fill out, and you can use the textbook and stuff. And so last week, I managed to fill the whole paper out using the textbook.. and I don't even understand what I wrote..
so, what I want to know is..

How am I supposed to study for this chinese exam when I can't even understand the words I wrote down?!

Or not..

I don't remember much of what happened afterwards ><

07 April 2011

Dnm

Yesterday.. was so eventful, and yup. you guessed it. 'deep and meaningful' XD
I think in total, I dnmed with.. 3 people today? Start from the beginning ^^

When I went to school it was just me and Lady, and as I always do, I just go on my phone and check fb and twitter. Something caught me by surprise. Words that hurt me, actually. I had a biology exam that day. I thought.. oh no.. I wont be able to concentrate today. I decided to tell him. That that kind of stuff hurts me. I was really scared too. I was scared he'd either stop writing them (because they COULD be about me) or he would give the usual 'its really none of your business kind of usual cold act that he's recently been giving me) When my phone suddenly flashed notifying a new message, it blink his colour. white, the colour I set for him. my heart skipped a beat.. I was soooo scared to read it. So instead I gave it to Lady to read first (because she talked me through the whole thing) and her reaction.. shocked me. She said 'omg.. its good' and in my head i was like OMGOMGOMGOMG are you serious?! I was hoping for the best, expecting the worse, by ALOT. When I read it.. me and Lady were screaming (well, squealing actually).. and you know what happened? I cried. In front of all my friends. They were tears of happiness. It was like miracle happened, really. I hadn't felt so happy in a long time. But as they always say, most good things usually come to an end.

Ah anyway, I'll write more about this later. This is part one =)

05 April 2011

Recent Tweets

The kind of deep stuff I retweet on my twitter. I feel more open because I got way too many people on facebook xD




04 April 2011

Stick

Satiety - The only reason why I still am the way I am. Absolutely hate that feeling ><

My Dream?

Last night I dreamt that he lived right next to me XD

03 April 2011

Whoops

I wasn't meant to write about this (referring to post below).. guess I kinda needed to let it out >< Actually, the what I really hope to achieve from writing that, is that he actually READS it. If only he knew.. ^^"

And here you all are, thinking after all this time, I'd be strong enough already ^^"

The title is a little misleading, but I'll get to the point soon :) So today I had a little meltdown when I went to easties.. I guess all the memories started coming back to me as I lined up with my mum to order KFC for my sister. I think one of the workers recognised me. Or maybe I was just paranoid. I dont know. I do remember a lot of things when I'm around that area, like where we sat, standing next to him while ordering, people recognising me and all that.. :( Gosh, I miss those times.. I've actually been completely fine for last month, didn't cry at all. But today is kinda ruining it, I was going so well.. and my eyes are watery while I'm writing this but I gotta stay strong xD

So I'll head straight to the point? So far from everyone I've told this story to, 100% of them have said, 'be strong, move on, find someone else' and whenever I say that I want to still hope that he'll come back, or stay for him, they don't recommend it. I wish there was someone who did. Actually, I wish he'd say it. There are so many reasons for me to stay.. Well, for one, I loved everything about him, even his flaws. That was something I couldn't manage to accept in any other guy I dated. Second? Well because I could accept him, our relationship lasted longest. Third - we did a lot of stuff together. Before him, I was too scared to kiss any of my boyfriends, too scared to hold their hand. The most I felt comfortable with was just hugging. And trust me, even that took time to get used to XD When I met him, whenever we did that kind of stuff, it brought us closer. He made me trust him so much, that I was comfortable doing that stuff with him, to show that I cared for him. Don't worry, nothing too far. I'm saving it for marriage :) Umm.. forth? In my heart, he was the first guy where I genuinely thought, "he's the one I want to marry". I really could see him in my future. Unfortunately he doesn't think so.. or does he? I can never be too sure.. :( 'hoping for the best, expecting the worst' is a motto ive recently sworn by ever since things began falling down between us. And oh gosh, trust me, hoping is so painful when you expect that the worst is more likely to happen. It's the little, hard-to-reach ray of hope you see in the sky when all that surrounds you is darkness.. :( But what happens if I stay? Will God give me a second chance in 2 years time? I really do want him to be my first and last. And that's the reason why I hold on. I feel that this is the guy I've been waiting for, and that I shouldn't give up so easily. I feel as if he was my first boyfriend.


Long Weekend Gone

Im bored.. x)
I realise I forgot to write about how.. I got my hair dyed for the first time! :D In the past I've had highlights but this time around I got my whole hair done. And by Connie, in my own house xD This was ages ago, I think its been about.. 2 weeks now? I think I just cbb writing about it because no one noticed I dyed it anyway xD It was meant to be chocolate brown, but it turned out black/brown. Still the same indoors, just a LITTLE different when outside in light. Well, this is the colour ive always wanted my natural hair to look like - dark brown :) I was hoping more for Selina's brown actually o.o Well anyway, because I'm impatient, in a months time I'm going to get Connie to re-dye it.. my mum got caramel for me, which is like a light brown colour, but this time it should turn out the way i want it, which is an obvious dark brown :D

02 April 2011

Cruel T__T

Okay, maybe I took my feelings out too much in the last post I wrote (and then deleted) but that day.. it really upset me that theres such people out there :(