16 June 2014

Two Mums..? [Dream]

I had this really depressing dream where I was just really happy with my family but then one day my dad comes up to me and tells me about my other mum (apparently my biological mum) and how she's really sick. Apparently I knew deep in my heart that I was raised by a different mum 10 years ago when I was younger, but I spent years putting it behind to start a new life with my new and current mum, to the point that I was able to completely forget about her? Part of the reason why I was able to forget in the first place was because my biological mum was 100% identical in appearance to my current mum, like a twin (but they weren't related), so it felt like when one left and the other instantly came to replace her, that it was still the same mum (appearance-wise)

 So to be finally reminded again, I had so many mixed emotions - firstly, sadness because my current mum loved me so much that I thought of her as the one and only, second, regret because I couldn't believe I forgot about my biological mum in the first place and thirdly, shocked/depressed that she was sick. 

Later that day when I found out, I went to go visit her and she didn't look like my current mum, but instead, looked exactly the same as she did 10 years ago when she left me (basically was the younger version of my current mum). So basically she didn't age at all since last time I met her. But that didn't have anything to do with her illness, in the dream, her looking the same as she did 10 years ago didn't come off as strange to me. She was lying in bed with a doctor carer by her bedside. She looked pale, malnourished etc. Every time she coughed, it sounded like a phlegmy cough that you normally get when you have a cold (those terrible-sounding ones), and her upper and lower body would jump up (like what happens with a defibrillator) and she would have the urge to throw up into the bag that the doctor held beside her bed. After seeing that, I couldn't hold it in and just ran to a spot away from everybody and just cried uncontrollably non-stop.

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And I couldn't remember the rest of my dream.
Was a really depressing dream, I have a feeling there's many connotations that I'll need to decode but I have an exam in a few hours so I'll come back to it later. But if there's a message to take away from that dream, it's that I need to show my mum more love, I already love her with all my heart but I sometimes don't show/express it enough.

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